Standing at the crossroad of life...

I swear that's not a line from Boyzone.

I'm having one of those weird days when things seem much clearer and my shoulders feel much lighter - and no, I haven't been to the gym for ages and the last time I did yoga was more than a year ago. It all started at 3:45am last night, when it hit me that I wanted to be able to explain what I did for a living in one sentence, without provding a further explaination of my job it to anyone who asks. Here's the hitch, I don't have a job...at least not yet.

I just wrapped up my special events assistant position with a film festival, and not knowing what to expect or have anything planned for the next couple of weeks, I decided to say yes to a unpaid opportunity to shadow a VIP guest for another film festival, the 49th San Francisco International Film Festival. Who you say? Well, Andy Lau. Yup, THE Andy Lau from Hong Kong. Understand this, I'm amazed that I wasn't star struck when the opportunity basically fell on my lap, and neither was Zhuang, who lucky for him, is getting paid to drive Andy and his entourage around town. It's funny that everyone we tell seem to be more excited than we are. I see it as a fun activity, something to do for the weekend. My mum and sis insist that I take photos and my friends thought I was absolutely nuts when I didn't immediately agree to doing it. What's interesting though is that Daniel Yu, the director of "All About Love" (starring Andy and doing its North America premiere at the festival) is coming with Lorna Tee, whom I believe is the marketing consultant for Andy's production company, Focus Films. I knew that name sounded too familiar, and with the magic of Google, I find out that Lorna's from Malaysia too and, she's worked with a ton of people in the Malaysian arts community. So as Koobz helpfully points out, it's really up to me.

So back to my 3:45am realization - I do not want to work in a 8 to 5 job, I do not want to hate waking up every morning and dragging myself to work, I do not want to have nothing to look forward in my work day except lunch time and 5pm, I do not want to deal with people who are more interested in profit than making change...above all, I don't want to accept a job simply because it pays the bills. I want to work with film, I want to work with people in film, people who strongly believe that change can happen with a simple, well-made, well-told story on the celluloid. It's not about breaking box-office numbers or shmoozing with celebrities, it's about the creating that one audience member who will walk out of the cinema a changed person, an enlightened mind. And if it means not sleeping for 3 days in a row, if it means missing lunches and dinners and surviving on coffee every day, if it means being underpaid and having to save up for months to buy that Gucci bag, if it means loading-in equipment in the rain at 3am in the morning in a shady neighborhood -- so be it. I want that job. I want to live that life. I want to love what I do.

So here I am, standing at the crossroad, smack at the intersection of my life - no map, no guide, no five-year plan - but hell, so what? Life would be predictable and boring if one had your entire life mapped out. Ciest la vie!