It's been a while...

Another one please
Originally uploaded by audreytmv.

I love you guys. It really really means a lot, especially when I need a ton of coaxing to get me out of the dark. So here I am, blogging just to let everyone know that I'm a little better :)

It's been a crappy week for me, I spent last Saturday sleeping in all day and woke up only at 8pm all because I refused to acknowledge another day being jobless, aimless and only looking forward to a rerun episode of Project Runway. Spent the next day on the couch numb and refusing to talk to anyone. Have been contemplating thoughts of self-inflicted pain -- discarded the idea of drowning in my bathtub coz #1 I didn't want to be found naked (not exactly in my best shape, chocolate and cookies make my daily life a lil' more bearable) #2 I laughed at the notion of wearing my bikini in the bathtub, I may be depressed but I'm not stupid. Wanted desperately to stab myself a couple of times just to know how it feels to feel something, christ I was so numb -- thank god I have no guts and didn't want to stain a couch that I intend to sell when I leave. So I resorted to something short term (well, sorta, if I don't think about long-term liver damage) solution of numbing myself more and devoiding myself of all logical, conscious though -- beer and a barrage of cocktails with mysterious ingredients. Lots of it. See photo for proof. I think I finally knew I had too much when I started drinking whatever Zhuang had in his hands after I gulped mine down in 3 seconds.

Been feeling like a total failure, which kinda explains why I have absolutely no photos of my graduation. Yup, I graduated but if you ask me, I haven't achieved shit, so graduation schmaduation. And come on, no one looks good in an oversized purple robe and a stupid flat cardboard plastered to your head.

I think the problem with my life is things come in bursts. It's either bursts of depression or bursts of lots of busy work. So since last week was a draught, this is what I've been up to this week:
Monday

• Completed 6 loads of laundry, figured that after putting it off for a month, it was about time.


• Offered my free services as intern for an ad agency and event management firm, that's how desperate I am.

Tuesday

• Interviewed to be a barista for Peet's Coffee. 50% employee discount for hardcore coffee -- woohoo.


• Submitted my Google worksheet as part of my application for a position with Google's AdWords, you know, those four lines of haiku looking text that appear on the right of a Google search results page.


• Turned down a nonpaid internship with an event management firm.

Wednesday

• Went to a go-see for a photoshoot for Safeway, the grocery store.


• Got a call back for a PR Assistant position from Allied -- they do PR and promos for film in San Francisco and the entire Northern California, pretty cool. They're waiting for a green light from the Los Angeles HQ. Keeping my fingers crossed.


• Received an e-mail from a PR/Advertising/Marketing agency asking me to come in for an interview for an Account Coordinator position when I applied for Intern, wee.

Thursday

• Starting a non-permanent internship with an ad agency at the Embarcardero, beautiful office by the sea.

Friday

• Interviewing with the PR/Advertising/Marketing agency that contacted me on Wednesday. I can only hope for the best, after all, what the hell do I know about vascular devices, biopharmaseutical and semiconductors.

I don't know what's up with me anymore. I feel like life's on cruise control and I'm just holding on to the wheel. Let's hope I don't nod off.

Brain on vacation

Depression hit. Will be back soon. Hopefully.