Strength from within

Update: Poh Poh passed away 4 May 2008. Saying goodbye was one of the most difficult things I had to do in my life. But what's important was having the opportunity to say a proper goodbye and hugging her for one last time.

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My poh poh (grandma) is one of the strongest women I know, and the very reason I am who I am today. It's been a very difficult process seeing her slowly fade away in physical health, the lung cancer slowly eating away at her once agile body. It's one of those things that you know will happen but you just refuse to think about it, and hoping that simply by willing it away, it will go away.

When my kong kong (grandpa) passed away, it was right before I started primary school. What hurts the most is that he really wanted to see me "grow up" -- his little girl leaving kindy and joining the big girls (all my girl cousins were older) and there was always a glint in his eye when he said that. He passed away a few weeks before I started primary one.

Here I am, a year after being in my first real job and a part of me wishes that my poh poh would be around to see me being happy, living my dreams, doing what I want to do. But it hurts, hurts when you know it's not going to happen and you have a very limited amount of time left to spend with someone who gave you so much and asked for nothing in return. How do you even begin to say goodbye?